


Ephemeral

by introvertwho



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, mention of selfharm, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-10 02:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15940172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introvertwho/pseuds/introvertwho
Summary: Dan and Phil are internet friends and decides to finally meet each other.





	1. Prologue or something

You probably think that I have some wonderful and interesting story. But no. Mine is quite boring and mundane. You see, I’m just a normal soon-to-be eighteen-year-old boy who lives a normal life and have a normal family and go to a normal school and is 100% living on their phone. I’m lonely though. I only got one friend.  
A friend called Dan.  
He is the boy who I had never met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when the first chapter will be uploaded. I'm working on it.


	2. Chapter 2

When I closed my locker and walked down the hallway on Tuesday afternoon, I had no idea what was going to happen. My footstep echoed against the walls as everyone had already left. I always stayed behind I few minutes so that I didn’t have to crowd with everyone else. And it always helped with avoiding bullies. If they didn’t see you, they couldn’t pick on you.

I pushed one of the doors open and stepped out on the parking lot outside the school. There were a few cars left, they probably belonged to the teachers. But otherwise it was empty.

The air was extremely humid, and I could already feel my shirt start to stick to my back. 

I put on my headphones and let the music consume me.

I started walking and had my eyes glued on the ground and hands in my pocket (even though it just made me warmer) all the way home. 

No encounters with other people.

Another successful day at school.

I unlocked the door and carefully closed it after me, I didn’t know if anyone was home yet and you could never be too careful. I didn’t need any hateful comments.

I quickly checked the house to be sure no one else was there.

Making my way through the kitchen I grabbed an apple and then hurried up the stairs. I turned left and slid into my room, door closing behind me. I threw my backpack and my phone, without pausing the music playing in the headphones still connected to it, on my bed and took a big bite of the apple.

The sweet apple took less than a minute to finish and I threw it in the bin. 

I glanced at the digital clock on my night stand; 16:47.

I should probably shower before dinner. I was quite sweaty and smelled. I totally blame the humid weather.

Out of my room I go, crossing the second floor to the bathroom. I lock the door and get undressed. Well in the shower I stayed quite a long time, humming twenty one pilots songs. I was lucky as no one banged at the door telling me to shut up.

Still home alone.

When I finally was back in my room the clock said it was 17:22.

I saw my phone light up at the other side of the room. I walked over to read the notification. I already had my suspicions of who it was, and I wasn’t disappointed. 

It was a sms from Dan. I felt that fluttery feeling in my stomach that I always feel and unlocked my phone to read it.

Dan: guess what

I felt a smile creep into my face as I typed my answer.

Phil: what

The reply was almost immediate.

Dan: you know how we’ve been talking about meeting each other

I inhaled sharply. 

Phil: yes??

Dan: well next month my parents are on vacation

I could feel my heart beating in my chest. Did he mean what I thought he did?

Phil: okayy  
Phil: where are you going with this

Dan: is it possible for you to stay at my house for a few days or are you busy

He did! Excitement rolled over me.

Phil: wait

But it quickly become doubt. Did it really say that? I read it two more times, and it was very clear that yes, it really said that. Dan was really inviting me over. Was I dreaming? I pinched my arm, nope. 

Phil: are you sure you are ready

Dan: ofc I’m  
Dan: I’M inviting YOU

Well he had a point there. He was actually inviting me over so of course he were ready. But I still wasn’t 100% convinced…

Stop it, you want to meet him, right, then say yes and do so.

Phil: if you’re sure then I guess I can

I clicked send. And a moment later I added to it just in case I didn’t sound exited enough.

Phil: when exactly??

Dan: in exactly 2 weeks

Phil: I can’t wait

Dan: neither can I

• 

Three years, that’s how long we’ve been talking.

Two years since I started to evolve feelings for him (and those feelings might cause trouble for me.) I know it sounds cheesy, I fell for his personality and not his looks. Don’t get me wrong, he is gorgeous. It’s just that I have never met anyone with the kind of personality he have. Well, I haven’t technically met him. 

But soon that will change.

One year ago, we started talking about meeting each other. But I was either busy or his parents where home. Dan hated their parents. I didn’t know why. He ignored all questions about it and changed the topic every time it came up in conversation.

I stopped questioning it after a while. It was personal and Dan didn’t have to tell me if it was something he was uncomfortable with. 

Today I booked a flight.  
And in two weeks I’m seeing him.  
Him.  
Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look an update!  
> And earlier than i thought!  
> I know this is shit but it gets better i promise


	3. Chapter 3

14 days left.

Nothing had changed but somehow everything had. I went to school as usual and texted Dan all day just as I do every day. But everything seemed so different. Everything was just more. The food tasted more, the colours were more vibrant and the sun warmer against my skin. I felt more alive. How, I didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	4. Chapter 4

13 days.

Only if I felt like this every day, everything would be so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't be mad at me


	5. Chapter 5

12 days.

The two weeks seemed like they would continue forever.

11 days.

It hit me, I needed to tell my parents that I wasn’t going to be home. I couldn’t just leave without saying anything. But what was I going to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a double update because i didn't have time to post yesterday


	6. Chapter 6

10 days.

“Mum!” I shouted as I ran down the stairs. She stood inside the door, taking off her coat.

“Yes.” Uninterested. 

“Can I stay at a friends house for a few days the week after next?” I ask hopefully, she couldn’t say no, could she?

“Sure.” She didn’t even look at me. But it was a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit longer this time


	7. Chapter 7

9 days.  
Why did the time seem so slow?


	8. Chapter 8

8 days.

The feeling had started to weaken a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you probably just want this coundown to end but HA you have to wait 8 more daysss


	9. Chapter 9

7 days.

Never mind, it had NOT.


	10. Chapter 10

6 days.

It is less then a week until I’ll meet Dan.


	11. Chapter 11

5 days.

I started packing and I probably packed too much. It felt surreal. I haven’t told my parents where I’m going, just that I will stay with a friend for a while. They don’t know about the plane tickets or about Dan. Maybe that’s not the best thing to do but now it’s done, it’s too late to say anything and still be allowed to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this should have been up yesterday but i was busy  
> there will be another update later today


	12. Chapter 12

4 days.

Today was a bad day. I felt it in the lack of emotion, I saw it in the lack of colour and the lack of taste. 

And then I was in a bathroom stall, tears streaming down my face and red, stinging lines on my left wrist. This was the first emotion of the day, but it didn’t last for long. On days like this it never did.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw someone putting up a painting on the opposite wall. There were seven crows painted in a dark red colour on it. 

I walked down the hallway and out through the doors and went home, only halfway through the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dark and it's only getting darker


	13. Chapter 13

3 days.

I walk fast from the bathroom, into my bedroom.

As the door closes the light from the hallway shrinks into a thin line of light. I close it properly and the thin line disappear. 

I collapse on my bed, feeling the soft fabrics surrounding me. 

The empty feeling from yesterday had been replaced with the not-that-unusual mix of guilt, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Loved that.

The silent dark in my room that was so calming and welcoming seconds ago is starting to choke me. It’s surrounding me, drowning me, pressing me against the mattress. 

It’s hard to breath. 

I hear arguing from the kitchen downstairs. The voices blur together and become a background noise to the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.

I hear my breaths clearly. Way to loud. They sound heavy, forced. And they are. 

I stare at my ceiling, it’s covered in small stars that my mum stuck there years ago. 

My eyes sting and so does the cuts on my wrist. I try to think of positive things, but I can’t and soon there’s tears making their way down my cheeks. I feel them roll into my ears and shudder. Still I don’t move. 

My chest is heaving, up and down, up and down. My breaths are uneven and shaky. 

I hear a loud noise downstairs. Like glass being broken. 

Up and down, up and down. 

I push myself up on my elbows and look towards the box on top of my drawer. The box.  
I walk across the messy floor, receiving the box. I open ii on the way back to my bed.

Crossed legged, I stare down into the open box. I carefully choose a blade and put it against the veins at my wrist. I can see them clearly, even though its dark. Or it’s more that I know exactly where they are.

I’m trying to decide if I am going to do it or not. Mind filled with thick fog. Filling every inch of it, pressing against my skull.

Am I? Am I? Am I?

3 days.

Finally, a clear thought in this goddamn fog.

If you are going to do it, at least leave a not.

I pressed the blade down on my wrist, and it cut through the skin. A thin line of blood drops appeared. Quickly I but away the now bloody blade, feeling new tears burn behind my eyelids. They weren’t tears of pain but tears of shame.

I can’t do it, not yet. I can’t just leave Dan like that.

Later, I tell myself. I’ll do it later. I will.

Now the tears are coming again. Or did they even stop? The fog in my mind is getting thicker, pressing harder against the inside of my skull. Threatening to break it. Maybe that would be the best thing, if my skull just broke in half.

Who would glue it back together? If my skull broke. Most likely no one. Why would they.

I.  
Am.  
No.  
One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is special for me and i have tried to make it as good as i can, i hope you liked it


	14. Chapter 14

2 days.

I looked at the red lines on my wrist. Lines that formed letters, words. Kill me, they said. That would be a problem. And a big one. 

What had I been thinking?

Nothing good.

I just need to hold on until I come back home.


	15. Chapter 15

TOMORROW.  
I’m panicking, what if I forget something, what if Dan had changed his mind, what if the plane gets delayed and he get tired of waiting and go home, what if he hates me, what if...

Breath, breath, breath.

I got this, I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last short chapter


	16. Chapter 16

TODAY.  
It’s today, TODAY. I’m taking the bus to the airport. The sky had opened, rain cascading down and smattering against the bus. The ride usually takes about half an hour but because of the heavy rain it was delayed, and I was thankful I had taken the earlier bus instead.

Well at the airport I checked in my bag and went through security. I made my way through the crowded airport, trying to find my gate. 

I spotted the big sign that said gate 5. All seats in the waiting area were occupied so I sat down on the floor, resting my head against the wall behind me.

I sat there, looking at the people passing. Serious looking people stressing through the crowds, screaming kids with their parents looking embarrassed while trying to calm them down. You could find all kinds of people at an airport.

About twenty minutes later some lady announced that boarding of the plane would happen in a minute.

People started to create a line to the desk at the front, stressing trying to get on the plane as quickly as possible.

When the line was shorter, and most of the passengers were already on board or boarding the plane, I stood up and made my way over.

They checked my ticket and I was free to board. 

The isle in the middle of the plane was full of people putting up their baggage on the shelfs, and after some whispered ‘excuse me’ I finally found my seat in the middle of the plane.

After putting my backpack on the shelf above me I sat down in my seat, next to the window. A few moments later a middle-aged woman sat down next to me. She was one of the serious looking ones.

The plane staff went through the safety instructions, the engines starting soon after.

As we went out on the runway we started picking up speed. I grabbed the armrest and took deep breaths.

And then the plane lifted from the ground and we were in the air.

I was on my way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from now on there will be longer between updates


End file.
